Can Purell be used as lube?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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