was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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