It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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