I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
