I am spending my child support on dildos
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
