Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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