Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
