there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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