I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
