it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
