you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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