One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
