My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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