does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
