you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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