We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
