This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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