is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
