I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
