My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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