come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
