Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
