i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
