3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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