Sry I called you an 8
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
