Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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