It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
