I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
