I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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