First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
