so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
