that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
