Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
