garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My ass is underappreciated
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
