dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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