well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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