her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
