You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
