"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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