There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
