who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
