I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
