all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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