$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
