Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
