forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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