It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
