Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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