I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
