You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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